Faux Real

The Internet is one hell of a place to meet guys.Tall guys, short guys, hot guys, nice guys and my all time favorite the wrong guys.
A couple of weeks ago I agreed to meet "Guapo" at a local Starbucks. We exchanged a few emails in the week prior to our meeting and I was as excited as I was nervous, you see Guapo was damn near perfect. Tall, dark and handsome with two added bonus points. He was my flavor of choice-Persian and he loved plus sized girls like myself. :)
From the moment I saw him there was a familiarity in his eyes, I felt so welcomed, so at home. 
The conversation over tea was so great that it lead to a late dinner followed by drinks and a a stroll on the beach.
Somewhere in our date I realized I was in trouble, deep trouble and it wasn't because I was falling in love with him or some stupid shit like that, it was because I realized who he was, we had something very dangerous in common and if I didn't walk away at that very moment I might regret it for the rest of my life...but I stayed. I stayed and washed my worries down with a Whiskey Sour.

There is something about Guapo that entices me and keeps me looking forward to our illicit meetings. His smile is enslaving, when he kisses me I can feel his desire and my body melts at the touch of his hands.
His facial expressions I know all too well yet the purity and sincerity in his eyes, in those eyes I know I should hate is the only thing that scares me. I'm going to hurt him, there is no doubt about it, the bridges have been burned and there is no turning back now.
All I can do now is enjoy our forbidden romance while we have it and wait for this whole thing to blow up in my face, you see it's not a matter of if but when it will happen and when it does someone will be hurt, life long relationships will be forever damaged and I will do what I always do. I will pick up the pieces and move on, looking for familiarity in some other wrong guy's eyes.

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Let's go about two months back. I was trying to bribe my 13 year old daughter's friend to convince my daughter that she shouldn't get a guinea pig.
I was terrified of them. They look so much like rats! and the feet ewwww rat feet!

Her friend was no help so after I read online that a particular Petco did NOT sell guinea pigs I deliberately drove my daughter there and told her that if they sold them there she could get one. The perfect plan, right? WRONG! We walk over to the small pets section and there, in front of me 3 guinea pigs.
She was handed the "tame" one which also happened to be the biggest one and of course fell in love with it.
We took Mr. Bonkers home and two weeks later he became restless and started making a lot of noise. I was advised to get a second guinea pigs because they are social animals and live a happier life in groups. In comes Professor X, he is cute and cuddly and stopped the madness for 2 days.
I now wake up to TWO guinea pigs crying at 6am EVERY day!
I'm bitchy, angry, frustrated but most of all tired!
I love them, I really do, They are cute and brighten up my day. Mr bonkers gives kisses and Professor X gives me sad puppy eyes. I just don't love them at 6 in the morning.
If this doesn't end soon I don't know what I'll do.

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So last night after I was visually raped by greasy ass Rico Suave I received an IM on my cell from a screen name I didn't recognize.
Yeah, it's happened before so I went along with the conversation hoping to get some sort of insight on who this person could be. Two hours later I was more confused than ever and still had no idea of who this person could be.
He said we dated a few years back, even described what my car looked like, the clothes I wore, what we did together, a hidden birthmark I have, my daughter's name, the phone I had at the time and even knew my shoe size.
I'm pretty sure that if in fact we did date I would remember him. The description he gave me of himself was quite vague ( a Jewish law student), that can be anyone! AND he lives in the valley. I've never dated anyone in the Valley! All this leads me to believe that someone who knows me is fucking with me and is trying to get me to admit to some fucked up shit I did or wants to scare me and hopefully not show up at my job or front door.
I've narrowed my suspects to 3 and one would only want me to confess to dating outside of our "relationship" (the dates IM guy  gave me fall into the same time frame), the other two might be trying to find out where I live so they can show up and burn down my place because I maybe was just a little tiny bit of a bitch to them :/
This morning there was a creepy guy wearing a big hoodie on the corner of my block just sitting on his bike, not waiting to cross the street or anything just sitting there.
I really hope he's not a hit man and if I see him there again tonight or tomorrow I'm calling the cops and telling them he  has a gun and was buying weed. :( I have some fun plans coming up this month that I would really hate to miss because I'm dead..
Just to be on the safe side I'm going to start sleeping with a knife under my pillow again.

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