Faux Real

The Internet is one hell of a place to meet guys.Tall guys, short guys, hot guys, nice guys and my all time favorite the wrong guys.
A couple of weeks ago I agreed to meet "Guapo" at a local Starbucks. We exchanged a few emails in the week prior to our meeting and I was as excited as I was nervous, you see Guapo was damn near perfect. Tall, dark and handsome with two added bonus points. He was my flavor of choice-Persian and he loved plus sized girls like myself. :)
From the moment I saw him there was a familiarity in his eyes, I felt so welcomed, so at home. 
The conversation over tea was so great that it lead to a late dinner followed by drinks and a a stroll on the beach.
Somewhere in our date I realized I was in trouble, deep trouble and it wasn't because I was falling in love with him or some stupid shit like that, it was because I realized who he was, we had something very dangerous in common and if I didn't walk away at that very moment I might regret it for the rest of my life...but I stayed. I stayed and washed my worries down with a Whiskey Sour.

There is something about Guapo that entices me and keeps me looking forward to our illicit meetings. His smile is enslaving, when he kisses me I can feel his desire and my body melts at the touch of his hands.
His facial expressions I know all too well yet the purity and sincerity in his eyes, in those eyes I know I should hate is the only thing that scares me. I'm going to hurt him, there is no doubt about it, the bridges have been burned and there is no turning back now.
All I can do now is enjoy our forbidden romance while we have it and wait for this whole thing to blow up in my face, you see it's not a matter of if but when it will happen and when it does someone will be hurt, life long relationships will be forever damaged and I will do what I always do. I will pick up the pieces and move on, looking for familiarity in some other wrong guy's eyes.

Or better yet, Why do I have to be such a fat kid?!

July 31st was the day, the day that "Georgie" (my dentist) fucked up my diet!
I thought I was going in for a root canal and instead I had to have my molar removed!
Now please keep in mind that dental work is something I have to be mentally prepared for, so the molar removal was completely out of left field. I left the office with a swollen face feeling violated and literally crying for my mommy.
To top it off there were all these rules, I couldn't eat solids for days, had to take antibiotics and vicodine and couldn't work out for at least a week.

I knew that the first and last of those rules was sure to bite me in the ass.
I didn't eat solids that weekend and thought great, even if I don't work out I'm sure to continue my weigh loss if I'm not eating much. The problem with that is that if I go without anything for a while I have to binge afterward to compensate, to give myself a reward for being so good.....for a while.
I rewarded my self with a burger that lead to burgers and tacos,fried food, pizza, doughnuts and ice cream.

I'm sure that it is now safe to work out, however I have not used my elliptical or wii fit since said dentist appointment.
I feel ashamed, i think that if my elliptical had eyes it would roll them at me and say "mmmmhhmmmm bitch please" and the Wii fit, man the Wii fit is going to lecture me! It's going to ask questions and tell me I've put on weigh :( it's a bully like that, I think I'm scared of it the most.

This morning I thought, this is the day I get back on track and I really believed it until about 9:30AM when it was time for coffee and there in front of me was CAKE!
Grrr I'm weak and I thrive on pleasure. The cake was good, very good. Moist, rich and it felt so good in my mouth. Why do I find such satisfaction from this? Why is cake worth jeopardizing my diet, health and sexiness?

Tomorrow is another day, hopefully a cake free day.